The Great Seat Debate.

It's common courtesy to put the seat down when finishing up a trip to the bathroom. Those who aspire to respect the unwritten rules of society should make it a goal of theirs to never forget to put the seat down when invited into someone else's home. I grew up in a house of mostly males (my mom being the only female) so I never really consciously thought that it would be nice of me to put the seat down so my mother wouldn't have to. I noticed that my friends who have sisters did it without even thinking twice. As I've gotten myself to do it the majority of the time, I have run into a serious problem.

I'm the type of person that makes a comment to someone coming out of the bathroom almost every time I'm given the opportunity. Awkward comments such as, "Is it safe to go in there?" or, "What took so long?" is my way of reassuring that complete strangers are not going to be lining up in hopes of talking to me anytime soon. It's hillbilly of me I know, but sometimes I just can't help myself. With my awkward comments comes great regret. If it is indeed not at all safe to go into the bathroom I've often found myself in quite the predicament. When a bathroom is "bombed out" by the previous bathroom-goer (what I like to call "Stranger Danger") I find myself unable to carry out the duties I desired to perform because of the anxiety caused by what the people after me are going to think. Instead of going to the bathroom, which was my original intent for the bathroom trip, I begin plotting on how I'm going to get the stranger smell out so I won't be blamed with ruining the party. It may sound crazy but I have tried vents, windows, and even the highly effective washing hands a half dozen times with shampoo. (If you use shampoo in these situations instead of the regular hand soap you'll notice that the scent is much stronger and has a chance to cover up bomb smell.) My last signature move to make sure the next person doesn't think I was the one who let loose on the bowl is to leave the seat up.

Insecurity has gotten the best of me in these situations and I may be wrong to fulfill my selfish attitude to not be blamed for anything that shouldn't be discussed at a party anyways, but what other choice do I have? Oh yea, the choice of putting the seat down and being confident enough to not worry about what people think of bathroom smells in a...bathroom. I guess this book never really resonated with me:

A Nation of Thank You's.

My "jobs" (caddying, catering) often require an exchange for some meaningless service that I have to perform and there are times I wonder if the "Thank You's" are necessary. I take a dirty dish, they sometimes say "Thank You." I take a dirty dish, sometimes I say "Thank You," for what I'm not sure. Now why would I ever be thankful for taking someone's dish away? I know there are those out there that need the gratification of a "Thank You" to remind them that the service they are doing is indeed one that should be appreciated. And of course "Thank You's" are necessary. "Thank You's" are necessary in obvious cases such as holding a door open, or pulling out a seat for someone, or (if you're at your job and you're good looking) not hitting on me in a weird covered up way, etc. But what about things like showing up to a party? Is it really necessary for the inviters to call the invitees within the next few days to say Thank You for showing up to their party?

Enter Party.

Host: Hey, thanks for coming!

Guest: Thanks for having us.

Host: Help yourself to drinks and food and make yourself at home.

Guest: Thanks.

Later.

Host: Well, thanks again for coming.

Guest: Thanks for throwing such a great party.

Then come the "Thank You" cards or e-Thanks that are sent out both ways. It really just leads to an endless circle of "Thank You's." Each one more ambiguous and unnecessary as the next. In a logical world a Guest would say "Thanks for having us," upon arrival and when leaving. Does the host really have to sound so pathetic by thanking someone for simply indulging the rest of the party with their presence?

I guess the only way we can avoid spouting off a "Thank You" at any sign of respectful gesture is by not being so insecure to expect one in the first place. Caddying is an unnecessary job. I often call it the exclamation point to the exclamatory statement, "I'm RICH!" So it does feel nice once in a while to get a "Thank You," but at the same time I don't expect it. If they are appreciative and respectful of the fact that I'm doing things that are completely unnecessary in the grand scheme of things, that's enough for me. If you're saying "Thank You" because you think it's necessary then by all means say it. But don't use it as a way to cover up ignorance or disrespect just because you're programmed to say it.

I'm not sure why I wrote this but I would like to say "Thank You" to all of you who decide not to put so much gel in your hair, or wear a shirt on the bus on the way to the beach, or those who choose the Levi 501's instead of the 511's. Thank You for playing pretty, or at least trying.