Marty the Tailor?

Lessons from a Tailor. Directed by Galen Summer from Ed David on Vimeo.

This dude is very cool. Nothing else needs to be said.

Notorious T.i.G.

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Get That Chew On.

I've been to a handful of job interviews and I've always wondered what the best approach would be to getting hired. I've never really been too concerned with that actual interview but more concerned with the gum in my mouth. Should I spit it out or should I not spit it out? If you think about it, the whole idea of chewing gum while talking to someone being rude is absolutely ridiculous. Who the hell was the first person to be bothered by it? Let me get to the point. What is more rude? Talking to someone who is chewing a piece of Double Bubble or trying to talk to someone who has stank breath? Next time you see someone chewing a piece of gum, thank them. After all, they are doing all of us a favor in this musty ass world.

Part 2.

Sorry, Taylor Swift is actually from Pennsylvania. Doesn't matter, she's still an idiot. Check out the hairstyles in this picture. They're so pretty!.

Image from NYTimes.

Hillbilly Country Music Awards.

The "tough" stereotype that goes with the South is shamed by the Country Music Awards. I never really understood the stereotype to begin with, I'm assuming it has something to do with guns and cowboys (and most likely ignorance masked as manliness). I didn't watch the awards show but it was being played in the next room by my friend's mother and I could overhear things that were straight up embarrassing. For one, talent-less Taylor Swift won some award(s) and a lot of "cowboys" and true "Americans" absolutely loved it. There is nothing more manly than putting on your shit-kickers, throwin' some chaw in, and blastin' some good ol' honest tunes talking about great upbringings and boy trouble from a pre-teen. And if you aren't a fan of Taylor, then shit, the CMA's have you covered with the wholesome and always thoughtful Kid Rock.

It's a bit unfair to lump the South and "country" music in the same category, knowing that many northern sorority girls and frat brothers are huge McGraw fans (Tim McGraw not McGraw-Hill, c'mon these people don't read books). But at the same time, most of the people winning awards at these waste of time events are from the South. What I really don't understand is that people in the South are the most paranoid bunch when it comes to "terrorists" and just plain "evil" that exists in the world. So they carry guns around and burn and/or hang black people to prove that they're not scared. But then they warmly accept and cheer on a girl like Taylor Swift who sings of arbitrary and meaningless happy-go-lucky topics. Is it just all around delusion? Do these people really like this garbage?

In my opinion, I think these Country Music Awards are easily the most depressing and pathetic on television. And boy is that quite an accomplishment. Oh yeah, Taylor Swift (and many like her) are ruining the world, one shallow mind at a time.

But don't worry, Hootie in the house!!!

The Only Business Model.

Everybody keeps talking about the recession. People aren't driving as much, aren't buying as many clothes, aren't going out as much, aren't picking up as many hookers...well...maybe. I'm not sure I buy into all of that nonsense but one thing I do know is that there is a certain business model that will work no matter what the economic climate is. The best business model. Or at least the only business model that leaves me powerless every single time. I call it the, "SuperModel Business Model." It makes sense right?

Whenever you see any sort of advertisement promoting something masculine, the majority of the time there is a hardbody promoting it. And it always works. This isn't a new discovery by any stretch of the imagination but it must be said that it leaves most pathetic dudes powerless (I fit into that category most of the time). "Men want her, women want to be her," is a strategy that has been around since cave drawings. (Let me tell you some of them cavemen used to get quite lonely in those caves and their drawings showed it.) When a woman sees a perfect looking model wearing a dress, they trick themselves into believing the dress can make them just as pretty. They forget the fact that the pictures are airbrushed, the models are anorexic and unhappy, and the models are, well, models. Models = People who have nothing else to offer to the world besides their looks. And God bless em.

The only reason I bring this up is because I've noticed that when I go shopping and the SuperModel flirts with the sole intention of selling something, I still fall for it. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, this business model will work on every pathetic person out there, man or woman. And we all know there isn't a shortage of pathetic people.

Maybe if Joan Crawford was a little more attractive I'd start smoking.

Fat City.

I'm sure this will be a recurring theme on this blog but it is unavoidable.

I never really found fat people jokes very entertaining mostly because they are too easy and they're not really all that funny. But the idea of living in a world that is designed for fat people is indeed a total joke. I can see it now, people reminiscing about the days when there used to be a shirt size called a "Small." Or remembering a thing called the Olympics when people would run and move in ways that are no longer possible. Etc. Ridiculous? Of course it is but so is the idea of having a nightclub strictly for fat people which is now a reality.

Some sociologists make the point that if fat people feel more comfortable in their surroundings and have more confidence they will work harder to shed pounds and live healthier. I can see the logic that goes into this thinking but I think it ignores one main thing that should be considered: REALITY. This thinking isn't entirely backwards, but knowing how lazy and pathetic many Americans are, it seems a bit ridiculous to think people will actually start to take care of themselves and work hard at staying healthy just because they have a bit more confidence. If people become more comfortable being lazy and unhealthy and it is more widely accepted, won't they just sit back and pop in another easy bake pizza and enjoy their night watching "Dancing With The Stars?"

You know, I would like to sit around and eat pizza and pecan pie all day but I would also like to be able to walk down the street without running out of breath. I am also sympathetic to those who aren't privileged enough to afford healthy foods and gym memberships but I don't really think they are spending too much of their time and money out at the club just trying to fit in.

All you can do is sigh.

Club Bounce.

Wes Montgomery.

I don't normally listen to too much Jazz even though I'm sure a lot of is totally awesome and worth listening to. Wes Montgomery plays the guitar so effortlessly and smooth (finger pickin' with just a thumb, ya dig?). Meanwhile, most of us have to suffer listening to Conor Oberst and a bunch of other pansies sing about problems they wish they had.

Mr. Montgomery keeps it more real.

Simple Design.

This idea is really cool on a number of levels. We need the people who designed this to think of a way to get these awesomely fat Americans to leave the house so they can have a chance at fun like this.

Dim-twits.

TWITTER DEE, TWITTER DUMB: Barkley says tweets are for losers

Here's something that Quick Hits happened upon -- on Twitter -- from the Dan Patrick syndicated radio show regarding NBA analyst/Hall of Famer Charles Barkley and his thoughts on Twitter:

''First of all, I'm not a damn loser. I don't twitter. I think twittering and all that Facebook crap just makes you a loser. I've never said to myself, 'I wonder what what's-his-name is doing today.' Shaquille O'Neal is one of my favorite people, I love him like a brother, but I've never said to myself, 'Let me twitter Shaquille O'Neal. I wonder what he's doing today.'''

Barkley, on whether Tiger Woods or Michael Jordan tweet:

''I hope not. I hope they've got a life. Anybody who sits around and worries about what somebody else is doing and you're following somebody else around, clearly makes you just a loser in my mind. The Facebook stuff is stupid. People who sit around and worry about what some celebrity is doing, that's just ignorant to me. I truly believe that. I'm not trying to be funny or anything. Somebody has no life when they're sitting there worrying about what somebody has to say. Like, 'Oh, yeah, I'm at this place eating or I'm at this place today.' That just makes you a loser.''

From from www.suntimes.com

True Beauty.

There are artists out there that are paid millions of dollars to make things that very few (powerful) people love. As Larry David would say, "Pretension masquerading as Art." Jeff Koons is the first to come to mind but definitely not the only artist who can fall under this category. I'm not really even sure it's fair to call Jeff Koons pretentious. Everything these days needs to be an abstraction of an abstraction, leaving the viewer unbelievably confused. It is truly sad.

Then there are those who simply inspire.


Absolutely amazing.

Check out the website here.

Bringing It Back.

Raphael Saadiq has been the man for a long time. One day I'll sing some of these songs to some unlucky lady. Ha.

Wow Mao!

There is a new Mao in town. The "Great" Mao's grandson Mao Xinyu. Some Chinese worship Mao Zedong and accredit all the new wealth to the Cultural Revolution and communism. Other's remember the millions that starved to death because of Mao's harsh rule. I believe almost all will agree that this grandson of his can take just about anybody in a White Castle eating contest.

Hair Revolution Will Most Likely Be Televised.

Dreadlocks really are one of the wonders of the world. But it's no wonder that dreadlocks on white people are absolutely foolish. The picture has been painted many times: the stoner, the Dead-head, the bored suburbanite looking to piss off parents, etc. We all know the stereotypes that go along with white people who think their hair serves as a legitimate symbol of a revolution so I won't waste time attempting to explain.

But I do wonder. Just what point do people think they are getting across by not washing their hair? Is it the chemicals that are harmful to the environment in shampoo? I bet not, because there are environmentally-conscious alternatives available. Is it supposed to be a "cool" look? I thought these were the very people who don't care what they look like, that's why they stopped washing their hair in the first place. Are gung-ho capitalists thinking of changing their greedy ways because they feel threatened by unwashed hair? HA! Let's not be silly.

Women who don hairy armpits are too part of this hair revolution. I'll be the first to say, women have every right to flaunt their natural beauty. And it doesn't really bother me if they decide to not shave their armpits. I just often wonder why so many of them go out of their way to wear anything sleeveless. It must be a requirement that if you decide to let your armpit hair grow, you must go the distance and make sure every single person with useable eyes knows it. I mean, what would be the point of having hairy armpits if nobody knew?

By our attempt to seem different, or promote our individuality, or take a more "natural" approach to the way we look, we are just attempting to hide the very basic fact that we want to fit in with a group of like-minded people. By our actions (or inactions when it comes to shaving or washing) we are just fighting a superficial world with just another form of superficiality.

It is what it is and I understand the desire to be "original," so I accept all of these attempts. But maybe we should stop using our heads as billboards and start using them for what they are there for. (Hint: Thinking. Oh yeah. And maybe wearing hats. As long as it's not one of those hats with the fake dreadlocks attached to it.)

Oh my.

Towel Foul.

I never understood the rules of masculinity at the gym. Everyone exaggerates how much they can bench press, or curl, or leg press, or how many sit-ups they can do. And of course, this sort of talk usually carries over into the most popular topic men discuss...women. Again the exaggeration continues because most guys falsely (99.68%) believe they have the ability to "conquer" any woman they set their third-eyesight on.

These guys that are the ring leaders of "dude talk" are the same guys that shamelessly walk around the locker room. They spend hours at the gym calling each other different variations of popular homophobic insults then share a wonderful 45 minute conversation completely naked in the locker room. Why is it OK to make fun of men who are attracted to men and talk about how many women you've had intercourse with (and how you had intercourse with) while standing without a towel wrapped around your waist? And if this is you, stop lying to yourself. That jungle between your legs is neither impressive or tolerable and I don't mean that in a homophobic way. In the grand sense of beauty, it ranks right next to this on the low end of the scale. Give a towel a home and wrap it around your waist when you're done showering, it's really that simple. Then you can carry on with the lies about the intimate details of your life.


If you get this work done then I'll get over my insecurity and gladly applaud your towel-less adventures in the locker room.

Indeed A Saint.

Pat attention because Annie Clark aka "St. Vincent"has figured out something the rest of us haven't.

Beautiful Struggle?

I've always been profoundly confused by the shelves of "Flaunt Your Inner Beauty!"-type self-help books. The idea that they exist isn't what puzzles me, it's the authors. The men and women writing these books are most often celebrities who have used their looks to the point of exhaustion, to pave their way for success. If Tom Cruise (quite possibly the whitest man alive) wrote a book explaining how to be comfortable as an African-American in a predominantly white America, nobody would read it expecting to find life's answers. They would read it because it would be an absolute joke and unbelievably hilarious. But to me the idea of Tom Cruise penning a self-help book for brown people is as idiotic as Tyra Banks giving advice how to "flaunt" your inner beauty (an expression that just might be an oxymoron). Tyra Banks' latest publicity stunt is to finally shed her weave and show her natural hair to her audience and of course, people are applauding her for it. Really? Ms. Banks used her physical appearance her entire career to get ahead so she can now have the opportunity to be a self-promoted "leader" to women searching for advice.

I do not doubt that Ms. Banks worked hard to get to where she is but I firmly believe that people would be better off building confidence and self-respect learning from people who have actually struggled through life. If Tyra Banks wants to promote well-being through her television show, that's fine. But I would hope that her audience would start to wonder if the air-brushed pictures of Victoria Secret catalogues are the pages that honestly reflect their desires in life. I have faith that women will realize (if they haven't already) that these catalogues and self-help books are hiding behind the wigs, weaves, and makeup that cover up any glimmer of true inner beauty.

So off comes Tyra Banks' weave and here comes the applause and criticism. I just hope the applause is directed at the idea that we might begin to see Tyra's inner beauty that has been covered up for so long and not applauding her publicity-soaked "courage." Either way it's still going to be a struggle for me to believe that she isn't removing her weave to dress up and hide her fading celebrity status.

I'm not at all against weaves. Wear whatever makes you feel genuinely beautiful...as beautiful as Ray Finkle.

Don't do drugs or Nascar.

"President Obama’s plan to deliver a speech to public school students on Tuesday has set off a revolt among conservative parents, who have accused the president of trying to indoctrinate their children with socialist ideas and are asking school officials to excuse the children from listening.

The uproar over the speech, in which Mr. Obama intends to urge students to work hard and stay in school, has been particularly acute in Texas, where several major school districts, under pressure from parents, have laid plans to let children opt out of lending the president an ear."


It's depressing that this doesn't surprise me. How has American society gotten to the point where parents are furious at the idea of someone telling their children to "stay in school" and "work hard"? My assumption is that the parents who are keeping their children home (and away from all that devil-inspired socialism) were the ones who cared more about the racing stripes on their leased cars than their grades when they were in high school. At the same time, I know I'm incorrect. I know there are well-educated parents out there who are simply keeping their children at home because of the simple fact that many of their beliefs are shaped around their racism. Let's be as straight forward as possible about it. I'm sure the Elisabeth Hasselbeck's, Rush Limbaugh's, and other misinformed of the world will say that the President is trying to impose some ultra-liberal socialist propaganda to our nation's (white) youth but let's be honest. Someone, pretty much anyone, telling your son or daughter to stay in school and work hard is not a bad thing. I would let Mel Gibson tell my niece to stay in school and work hard, and nobody likes Mel Gibson. Oh wait that's right, people do, and they're the ones that are furious.

Stay in school and work hard, so when the ignorant think its a bad idea to tell our kids to stay in school and work hard, we can scare our kids into the idea that that could be them some day.

Read More here.

Adrian Peterson.

This is astonishing.

The Great Seat Debate.

It's common courtesy to put the seat down when finishing up a trip to the bathroom. Those who aspire to respect the unwritten rules of society should make it a goal of theirs to never forget to put the seat down when invited into someone else's home. I grew up in a house of mostly males (my mom being the only female) so I never really consciously thought that it would be nice of me to put the seat down so my mother wouldn't have to. I noticed that my friends who have sisters did it without even thinking twice. As I've gotten myself to do it the majority of the time, I have run into a serious problem.

I'm the type of person that makes a comment to someone coming out of the bathroom almost every time I'm given the opportunity. Awkward comments such as, "Is it safe to go in there?" or, "What took so long?" is my way of reassuring that complete strangers are not going to be lining up in hopes of talking to me anytime soon. It's hillbilly of me I know, but sometimes I just can't help myself. With my awkward comments comes great regret. If it is indeed not at all safe to go into the bathroom I've often found myself in quite the predicament. When a bathroom is "bombed out" by the previous bathroom-goer (what I like to call "Stranger Danger") I find myself unable to carry out the duties I desired to perform because of the anxiety caused by what the people after me are going to think. Instead of going to the bathroom, which was my original intent for the bathroom trip, I begin plotting on how I'm going to get the stranger smell out so I won't be blamed with ruining the party. It may sound crazy but I have tried vents, windows, and even the highly effective washing hands a half dozen times with shampoo. (If you use shampoo in these situations instead of the regular hand soap you'll notice that the scent is much stronger and has a chance to cover up bomb smell.) My last signature move to make sure the next person doesn't think I was the one who let loose on the bowl is to leave the seat up.

Insecurity has gotten the best of me in these situations and I may be wrong to fulfill my selfish attitude to not be blamed for anything that shouldn't be discussed at a party anyways, but what other choice do I have? Oh yea, the choice of putting the seat down and being confident enough to not worry about what people think of bathroom smells in a...bathroom. I guess this book never really resonated with me:

A Nation of Thank You's.

My "jobs" (caddying, catering) often require an exchange for some meaningless service that I have to perform and there are times I wonder if the "Thank You's" are necessary. I take a dirty dish, they sometimes say "Thank You." I take a dirty dish, sometimes I say "Thank You," for what I'm not sure. Now why would I ever be thankful for taking someone's dish away? I know there are those out there that need the gratification of a "Thank You" to remind them that the service they are doing is indeed one that should be appreciated. And of course "Thank You's" are necessary. "Thank You's" are necessary in obvious cases such as holding a door open, or pulling out a seat for someone, or (if you're at your job and you're good looking) not hitting on me in a weird covered up way, etc. But what about things like showing up to a party? Is it really necessary for the inviters to call the invitees within the next few days to say Thank You for showing up to their party?

Enter Party.

Host: Hey, thanks for coming!

Guest: Thanks for having us.

Host: Help yourself to drinks and food and make yourself at home.

Guest: Thanks.

Later.

Host: Well, thanks again for coming.

Guest: Thanks for throwing such a great party.

Then come the "Thank You" cards or e-Thanks that are sent out both ways. It really just leads to an endless circle of "Thank You's." Each one more ambiguous and unnecessary as the next. In a logical world a Guest would say "Thanks for having us," upon arrival and when leaving. Does the host really have to sound so pathetic by thanking someone for simply indulging the rest of the party with their presence?

I guess the only way we can avoid spouting off a "Thank You" at any sign of respectful gesture is by not being so insecure to expect one in the first place. Caddying is an unnecessary job. I often call it the exclamation point to the exclamatory statement, "I'm RICH!" So it does feel nice once in a while to get a "Thank You," but at the same time I don't expect it. If they are appreciative and respectful of the fact that I'm doing things that are completely unnecessary in the grand scheme of things, that's enough for me. If you're saying "Thank You" because you think it's necessary then by all means say it. But don't use it as a way to cover up ignorance or disrespect just because you're programmed to say it.

I'm not sure why I wrote this but I would like to say "Thank You" to all of you who decide not to put so much gel in your hair, or wear a shirt on the bus on the way to the beach, or those who choose the Levi 501's instead of the 511's. Thank You for playing pretty, or at least trying.