Kanye Western.

You heard it here first, Kanye's next album titled "Good Ass Job" is going to be the shit. I better not be disappointed.

Gettin' his drinky drank on.

This is effortless pimpness at its finest:
1) Sunglasses indoors.
2) All attention is on the man himself.
3) Wear a lab coat like a cape.
4) Pop bottlez (with modelz of course).
5) These young bitchez better not even think of breathin' on me. On the real.

Kings of Cool.

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be "cool." I'm not talking about gelled hair, tight printed tees, or fake tans. I'm talking about honesty, confidence, and creativity. Malice and Pusha T are probably the two coolest dudes in Hip-Hop music right now. The Roots backing them up in this video take it to an even higher level. If you're not interested, you can always listen to Asher Roth.

Tightwad.

For the past few months I haven't made up my mind if the person who decided it was OK for women to wear tights as pants should get a high-5 or be high-5'd in the face. Working at a place where a lot of trophy wives and their daughters shop, I find myself constantly around women wearing tights as pants. I almost love every second of it. When I lived in Scotland it was the norm and I never really thought it would have gotten popular here because American girls have no idea how to dress themselves (see: sweatpants). Tights don't really leave too much to the imagination and I used to think that was awesome.

Then I saw a GUY who must have weighed at least (the very least) 250 pounds rocking tights like it was his job. What a job that would be. Actually, I bet someone has the job helping Mr. Fatso get his tights around his fupa. What a job THAT would be. It was one of the most disgusting things I've seen in a long time. Months of successful booty-hawkin' has officially been ruined by one man who thinks showing off every wrinkle of his scrotum is some sort of fashion statement.

I wonder if he hires the same person to get the tights off...

John Mayer fans!

There was all sorts of ridiculous news over John Mayer claiming that he's cooler than he actually is. With all the dickhead things he said, I still think he seems like an alright guy. I mean c'mon he was obviously just acting a fool and the press totally fell for it. It should have been overwhelmingly obvious that he was kidding when he said black people love his music. I know! A totally laughable statement. We shouldn't even believe all of the other stuff he said, unless he said Jessica Simpson is an idiot. That is undeniable.

The American public should have known he was only pulling their leg. I mean seriously, how many John Mayer fans can you count in this video? I think it's safe to say that black people see Mr. Mayer in the same light they see hockey: they don't have anything against it but they also never really think about it. Why would they?

P.S. GUCCI IS FREE!!!!!!!!!

The Marriage Ref

The Marriage Ref is quite possibly one of the dumbest shows I've ever seen. It's edited to the point that it leaves you confused on whether or not what is taking place actually happened or if it's just scraps of bullshit thrown together. Even though Larry David and Ricky Gervais are awesome, the show still amazed me at how pathetic the show is and how desperate people are. Who would want to share all of their marital arguments on television and have a bunch of celebrities pick a winner? Oh yeah, most of America.

This snapshot that I took at the end of the show sums it all up. LD cannot be topped. By the way, I wonder if he shrugged off Madonna's obvious attempt to get up in his asshole or if he went through with it. Get all up in that juice box Larry.

Mr. Funnyman

Karl Pilkington is the funniest human being alive. Well, he's at least tied with Larry David and Dave Chappelle. Everyone I've talked to who is familiar with Karl has the same question I do, "Is he acting or is he really that stupid?" At first I was genuinely interested in getting to the bottom of it (so are thousands of other people). But then I realized that it really doesn't matter. Whether he's acting or just being himself doesn't change anything in the end, he's still hilarious. The way he reasons through things he doesn't understand is unbelievably creative (and/or naive) and there are glimpses of an innocence that most of us have lost. Secretly I hope he's just a weird guy who is bothered by as many things as I am. Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant are two lucky dudes.