A perfect holiday treat.

I watched this movie out of pure curiosity the other night. I really didn't know what to expect. I hadn't heard anything about it but I saw a shot of it a while back and remembered thinking, "What is going on here?" If I would have seen the above picture I might have avoided it altogether. If you can get through the first part (there are some very disturbing peter scenes) you will be heavily rewarded with some really cool ideas and all-around ridiculousness. So on this lonely Sunday night, get your weirdo on and take a peak.

Straight Clubbin' It.

I am not one for clubs. I just don't see myself fitting in with a bunch of pretty people lying to themselves and to each other. But yesterday I found myself in one and it wasn't really all that I expected. First of all it wasn't as crowded as I thought it would be. When I hear the word "club" I automatically assume there is nothing but shitloads of hair gel and cologne, but for the most part the people seemed to be alright...which means I hated them. (That's one of the upsides of hating everyone, you're never disappointed because you never have high expectations. Idiocy is inevitable.) The music was just the same as everything else you normally hear, Top 40 hits. The drinks weren't too expensive and there were some cute girls. So all in all, it just seemed like any other Going Out experience.

But there is one thing that really sort of shocked me.

I finally figured out where Asian people hang out. I meant to ask my buddy if there were normally that many Engineering majors at this particular club but I never got around to it. They were all bright pink, only talking to other slanty-eyed folks, and all secretly wishing they were white. It was really unbelievable. I had so many questions but I didn't feel like penetrating The Great Wall (they were huddled close) and asking. I guess those questions will go unanswered. So who would have thought, you can learn things at clubs!

What I really learned was this. Even when I'm totally hammered out of my mind, I still can't stand Asians.

A fool's holiday, yesterday.

Yesterday was April Fools' Day which is pretty self-explanatory. In my opinion, every day seems like a celebration for fools. But either way, I didn't get played for a fool and didn't hear anyone say, "JUST KIDDING, APRIL FOOLS!" Although I did see several individuals walking around with their shirts off which is far worse. There are very few places where it is acceptable to walk around with your shirt off. A few that come to mind are 1) the beach (unfortunately), 2) your bedroom as long as you're alone or everyone else is cool with it, 3) the shower or bathroom (if you're dumping and it's hot), 4) the doctor's office, 5) the gay parade (maybe), 6) when you're jumping off a cliff to end it all because you finally realized you were walking around in the middle of a city with you're god damn shirt off. I can't really think of too many more. The reason I know that these people weren't playing an April Fools' joke on everyone is because there were a good amount of people that had their shirts off today. The date doesn't matter, fools will be fools.
Speaking of which. I ran into this dude yesterday. Senator Roland Burris. He's tiny, and I'm almost positive he had this exact suit on. It may be 25 years old but it still fits perfectly.

Spring.

Should I enjoy the fact that it's really warm and sunny outside or should I hate the fact that nice weather brings out an overwhelming amount of idiots? And these idiots partake in straight up foolery. If you don't believe me step outside tomorrow and look at all the cut-off sleeves, flip-flops with sweatpants, and XXXXL g-strings. I dare you.

Stuff White People Should Be Punched In The Mouth For Liking.

I was watching the local news the other night and came across plenty of things that were depressing. Kidnappings of innocent children, shootings, corrupt politicians, and a bunch of other things that a lot of people find entertaining (until it affects them). Out of all these tragedies, none of them was more heart-wrenching and enraging than a segment on Yoga. Normal yoga is already pretty annoying. Nobody wants to listen to beard-o losers with dreadlocks talk about their "energy" and their "connection" with "life" and the "world". (I use quotation marks mostly because the reality these people live in is all hearsay. To me it's more of an Organic Disney World.) I shouldn't completely slag off yoga because the ancient practices of it can be quite fascinating. The Yoga I am referring to is the yuppie version. This Yoga has become more and more popular in the past couple of decades and it has reached new heights of Annoying. I thought the idea of doing Yoga in a hot-as-hell room was pushing it but now people are offering courses for Doga. WHAT A CREATIVE NAME! Mix Yoga with Dogs and what do you get? The Whitest thing to hit American culture since boy bands.

When is it ever enough for these people? Why can't they just stick to PTA, Prius', and rollerblading? Why must they fuse everything into some sort of pathetic attempt at creativity and innovation? I'll stop arguing. Let these people do what they want in their spare time, but I am willing to bet that most dogs enjoy laying on a couch licking ass all day a lot more than they like being paraded around a bunch of idiots burning incense and listening to muzak. It's just a guess.

The decline of humanity continues here.

Nuggets.

I had the pleasure of watching this on Saturday when I was unbelievably hungover. Let's just say it wasn't light-viewing. I don't know too much about Jamie Oliver but he seems like he knows what he's talking about. If you want a reality check on how stupid American children are take a look at this video clip. I'm sure some people think, "Well it's edited to make it seem like the kids don't know what Jamie is talking about." If that's the case, click around this episode and watch as kids struggle to name very popular vegetables. Still don't believe it? Just look at the parents of these unfortunate kids. Ignorance is bliss...and it's also bologna.

Seriously.(?)

Just when you thought the state of the world couldn't get any more pathetic. There are thousands of people signing a petition seeking more info on the made up language from Avatar. These idiot Americans boggle my mind. This is a perfect example of what kind of mediocrity and bullshit too much privilege creates.

"While waiting on Frommer's full lexicon and grammar, Na'vi enthusiasts have produced their own study guides, word lists, and audio samples. They have posted guidelines for picking a "correct" Na'vi name and compiled warnings about common beginners' errors."

There's only one thing I would really like to learn in Na'vi: "Kill yourself."

Read the article here.