Fat guy in a little shirt.

Making fun of the way people dress is always fun but always far too easy. I do it often. When I walk dogs around the Financial District, I often find myself wondering, "Why do all these evil super-rich cocksmooches look so goddamn terrible?" Those commercials for those oversized Men's Wearhouse suits are really hittin' home with this crowd. But why is this the case?

One and a half men.

I'll admit I probably pay more attention to what people are wearing in old pictures, old movies, and period pieces, than most people do. And I'm also pretty interested in what the people around me are wearing. New York is a lot different than Chicago in that people (both men and women) care a great deal more about their clothes. And what happens is that you get a lot of guys that overdo it and look too cool for school (or gay) and a bunch of women that look like straight up idiots. "What the hell is she wearing?" is the question I ask myself the most. (It's right behind, "What's wrong with my rape eyes?")

I don't think people should spend countless hours and dollars on their appearance. If you don't give a shit, cool. Good for you. I just wonder why the "Button Down Shirt. Jeans. And Square Dress Shoes. Guys." are so bad at buying and wearing halfway decent looking clothes. They sincerely believe they look good/great/grand/wonderful. (If you don't think so then consider this, why do they put gel in their hair? Because they like the way it feels?) But of course there is something they all lack, and not just in the way they dress. It's Personality. Obviously.

Welfare line.

Big finance firms (the fact that I called them "finance firms" proves my ignorance for all these Wall Street corporations, I have no idea what they do) are very strange places. If I were to line up the team of young employees and pick the ones that stood out, on appearance alone, it'd be impossible. Because everyone (even the Indian guy scratching his balls in the back) all look the same. Clones. I've been told that "uncreative types" go into these fields and therefore I shouldn't be surprised that they don't have any personality in the way they dress. But I think that's bullshit. If you look at any old pictures from the Great Depression, you'll see guys standing in welfare lines that look better than the Express'd (for Men) out millionaires that cruise around lower Manhattan. Are these people afraid they'll lose their jobs for stirring up trouble with a halfway decent shirt and tie that isn't silk? I'd rather wear the Taco Bell uniform than the Asshole uniform.

People don't have "style" because they're boring and lazy. And that translates into how they dress. That's really all there is to it. But I guess it's convenient. When these dudes want to go out, they can just untuck their shirts, take off their ties, spray some fresh Axe, and go out and face rape chicks.

Baron. Get yourself a new shirt. Even inanimate objects like those buttons don't deserve that abuse.

OK. I'm done talking about that. Look at the buttons on that shirt. HOLY MOLY! (Just spent 15 minutes figuring out where this saying came from (even looked up "Moley") and the only conclusion I can come to is that "Moly" is used in that expression because it rhymes with Holy." Boring.) For some reason it reminds of this...

BUTTONS: "NO MAN TITTIES ARE POPPING OUT TODAY!"