The Title Run Begins Next Year.

Well. The Chicago Bulls' season has come to a disappointing close. A bad decision by CJ Watson at the end of the game will be the talk of the town for the next few days and then hopefully people will get back to their regular lives. Of course, we should (always) be disappointed in the biggest chach to ever put on a Bulls jersey (there have been plenty), Carlos Boozer. I'm not even going to do him the courtesy of looking up how many points he had in this last game because I know it's lower than the average number of shits I take a day (so what if my average is unusually high at 4.83?).

But I'm not overly upset about it. Because I have it all figured out. Let me share.

The Bulls suffered tragic injuries this postseason. It was difficult to watch (repeatedly thanks to a million replays) but it had to happen. Yes. It had to happen. We will never know if the Bulls would have beaten the Heat in the Eastern Conference Finals but it doesn't matter. What matters is what happens next playoff run. This year, I almost want the Heat to win. Because if they do, LeBron James is doomed.

It goes like this. The Heat win this year. Fuck. Shucks. Goddamn. Oh well. Next year, the Bulls will get Rose back halfway through the season. He'll be shaky and a shadow of his former self at first, but we'll still cheer him on and get (nervously) excited when he blows past the defense for an easy layup. I don't expect Rose to be what he has been the past few years. Not yet. (It'll take time but Rose will be amazing again.) The Bulls will not have the best record in the NBA but they will play hard and give us plenty to be proud of. During the playoffs they'll play a couple of tough series before they run into LeBron and the Heat. Let's face it. LeBron has beat the shit out of the Bulls for many years now. Even when he was on the Cavs he chopped it up against the Bulls. If you don't remember this, then I envy your faulty memory that forgets all the bad stuff. (I once farted at my grandfather's wake. Not just a fart. A family of farts that smelled horrible and that everyone (maybe even my grandfather) heard. My brother made fun of me until I cried. So imagine some priest saying religious words then having to pause because a little chubby kinda yellow kid is lightin' up the back of the room like it's America's Birthday. Not sure who came away from the whole experience more traumatized. Anyways, I'd like to erase that from my memory and everyone else's. I'm sure the priest talks about it with all his boring priest friends and they giggle over it while they're drinking wine and staring at the wall.) The Bulls will play the heavily favored returning champions Miami Heat in a 7-game series that will come down to Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah outplaying LeBron James and Dwyane Wade. The Bulls will win. LeBron will forever be remembered as the guy who won a championship only because Derrick Rose was hurt. Rose proved it when he came back as a lesser version (for now) of himself and still managed to get the better of the Heat through solid fundamentals and with the support of a hardworking, close-knit TEAM. There will be less of "LeBron isn't mentally strong enough to lead a team to a championship" and more of "LeBron only won because Derrick Rose was hurt." And doesn't that sound better? Derrick Rose. The loyal, humble hero of Chicago, wins it for his city. The good guys win. For once.

So let the Heat win this year, who gives a shit. Think of this year as the setup and next year as the punch line. When the Bulls trample them in the playoffs next year, everyone will have something to smile about and something to laugh at.

3-peat. Then repeat.

Josh got me this for my birthday. I'll be wearing it on every article of clothing.