Facebook and Kim Jong-Il

I have been looking for this hat for months.

After many minutes (maybe even hours) spent looking to see if Kim Jong-Il, the real Kim Jong-Il, had a Facebook account I'm disheartened and a bit depressed to say that I never found one. Sure there are a lot of people posing as Mr. Il but none of them seem genuine. I was really hoping to find one of those pictures of him where he tried to make it look like he didn't take it, staring off into the distance maybe to some faraway land (South Korea possibly?). Or maybe even a cute picture using Photo Booth on his MacBook Pro (you best believe he has a "Pro" and didn't settle for some less expensive model, actually he probably already has an iPad, he's fuckin Kim Jong-Il he's got a bed made out of women, seriously...he does). Could you imagine the tyranny Mr. Il would inflict on his Facebook buddies? I could only imagine the barrage of "requests" his e-friends would get. Mr. Il would have the most unbelievable farm on FarmVille, he would win Mafia Wars, and I would imagine that he would always be voted "Funnier Than Your Friend[s]." He would also have the most e-friends because seriously who would have the courage to deny that e-friendship request? I bet if someone e-de-friended (how the hell has the English language evolved into this?) him he would hunt them down, capture them, and make them work at his fun parks (slave camps).

My good friend Dario always has the best Facebook profile pictures.

But then again, why would he have a Facebook? He already has a platform to voice his opinion (it's called complete control over everything), he is the biggest personal importer of Hennessy in the world ($650,000 a year for his personal stash...and Jay-Z calls himself a pimp?), nobody says shit to him when he wears sunglasses indoors and at night, and many North Koreans believe he can control the weather with his mood. Did I mention he has a bed made out of women? So why would he need a bunch of fake "friends" posting all kinds of bullshit on his "Wall"? And tagging pictures of him passed out (surely from too much Hennessey and definitely on his bed made out of women) with a Crayola penis drawn onto his cheek? No, he doesn't need that.

The rest of us do.

"People never notice anything." - J.D. Salinger from "The Catcher In The Rye"

I can't even begin to describe the influence J.D. Salinger has had on me. Many people read "The Catcher In The Rye" in high school, hated themselves and other people for a few weeks and then went on continuing to lie to themselves. I never really got over Mr. Caulfield (and many of Salinger's other characters) and I don't want to. In some ways this blog (and all of my other ramblings) is an ode to Mr. Salinger. I'm sure he would've hated it.

I can't wait until James Cameron comes out with the a 3-D version of "The Catcher..." Let's hope Hugh Grant is available to accept the role!

Chicago Comedy

As a Chicagoan who has tried (and failed) standup comedy a handful of times, I found this picture very funny and also pretty depressing. I definitely give credit to those who are brave enough to stand in front of a group of strangers and try to make them laugh. But look at this picture. The caption on the picture reads, "RAISING THE BAR: The Red Bar Comedy Show aimes to make downtown funny again." First of all they need a proofreader..."aimes." How is this picture supposed to get people to go to The Red Bar to have a good time and see some good standup comedy? The audience at this place couldn't even field a baseball team, unless of course the comedian got off stage and played.

Picture from Time Out Chicago

Jury's still out on this one.

Sometimes, as I look at my father an overwhelming feeling of disgust comes over me. The glare that is produced from his hairless head is reminiscent of a crystal ball. I'm looking into the future. A few years ago when I realized that baldness never skips a generation, I started to worry that being bald would push me over the top. Too many insecurities can only lead to one path...marriage, then a family, and the rest of the "Unhappy Formula" that is continually pursued by so many. As my hair falls out, I begin to wonder if baldness is that last piece that is going to be stacked onto an overwhelmingly overloaded game of Topple. I see the pieces of my life crashing down, then spontaneously combusting, then pissed on...by a frat brother wearing a backwards hat and a LiveStrong bracelet.

But at the same time I also see it as an opportunity. It's just one more thing to complain about, and we all know how much I love a good thing to complain about. It is really a big deal to go bald? I'm starting to think hair on guys is optional. But as I think that, I'm quickly humbled by remembering that having money isn't optional. And lord knows I don't have any of that either.

Oh yea, I just remembered that hair follicle genetics come from the mother's side. Well then, I look at my balder than shit Grandpa and being to wonder, "Will I ever win?"

Hatin' vs. Haiti

The destruction in Haiti is overwhelming and unbelievably sad. It is nice to see people trying to help in any way they can. It also puts a lot of things into perspective.

Most of the things I complain about may be seen as unbelievably trivial. I understand that. These are the things I obsess over an unhealthy amount of time. I've often been asked, "Why do you care so much?" But really, why wouldn't I care so much? Why don't you care so much? I can see why people think that my ramblings over "Thank You" cards, or whether to say a "Thank You" each time a person opens a door even if there are back-to-back-to-back doors, or whether it is appropriate to hit on a waitress, are just insecurities that I can't find peace with. But in my opinion, the way people act in social situations and their interactions with other people are a very accurate representation of who and what they are. Ultimately, I believe most are selfish, insecure, and overwhelmingly sad. Me too. So maybe these things aren't always trivial. They contribute to the bigger picture.

My point is, those of us who are blessed with privilege and safety should be vigilant in being as respectful and thoughtful as possible. We should be doing more to appreciate each other and the opportunities we have been given. It shouldn't take a natural disaster or a "terrorist" attack to make us realize we really do care about each other's pursuit of happiness. There are people suffering all over the world who would love to have the opportunity to be able to blog about fat people wearing skinny jeans. Let's not forget that.

The New Year.

New Year's resolutions are pretty worthless. However, mine is to draw and paint more. Let's hope I can be unlike most other people and actually follow through.