This picture took about two seconds to find.
Look at the state of that dog.
While most people do everything in their power to avoid the actual crazy homeless people, I often find myself completely entranced by them. Most people are disgusted and afraid but I think my childlike curiosity always distracts me with so many questions that I don't have time to judge. I spend countless hours imagining the storylines of these people's lives. How did they get to this point?
Here is my latest tale/mystery. Yesterday I was coming home from work and there was a homeless guy sitting on a bench in one of the subway stations. I noticed him as soon as I walked in and when I was about twenty feet away he got up and began to walk towards me. I patted down my pockets to see if I had anything to give. Nothing. As he walked past me I got a better look at him and although it was apparent that he had missed a baker's dozen showers, he was doing alright (as far as homeless people standards go). He had on a warm-looking jacket, his beard seemed to be trimmed within the last 2 years, his shoes didn't have any holes in them, and his jeans were still sort of blue (that's a Crayola Color that needs to be released, "Hobo's Blue" or better yet "Hobo Blues"). He didn't ask me or anyone around me for anything. He just carried on with his day. When I swiped my card and made the U-turn to go down the stairs to the platform I got a last-second glimpse of him. His back was now towards me and he was standing in front of the oversized subway map. I'm surprised I noticed any of these details because the only thing my eyes were focused on was the back of his jeans. Or actually the lack of the back of his jeans. I stopped on the stairs and stared. I couldn't believe it. I had so many questions!
You lettin' your ass breathe?
My immediate thought was, "Well how did they get to that point?" Was it a gradual thing? Did he just sit down so much that eventually his ass began to wear away the denim threads until there was none left? Did he cut it out so he wouldn't have to pull them down to go to the bathroom? Since the backs of the legs were still intact, I began to believe that it was a conscious decision. If he cut it, how did he do it? Did he leave them on while he cut? That seems dangerous, he could have cut his asshole off. Or was he standing around completely naked at one point holding his pants in one hand and scissors (or homemade shank) with the other? Is that going to be a new trend, capes and bare assholes? Does it make farting easier? A homeless fart, jesus I couldn't even begin to imagine what that would smell/taste like. How did he escape harassment from the police? Was he just a really big fan of Prince?
There is so much "awesome" going on in this picture.
These are just a few of the question I've had. "How did it get to this point?" I'm sure at some point in that guys life he was riding bikes and playing sports with his buddies. He probably went to school and had some friends that he shared innocent laughs with. He probably liked a girl but was too nervous to talk to her. He probably had a specific favorite food (do homeless people have a "favorite" food? or is it all just totally amazing? or is it all just totally disgusting unless it's gin-flavored?). He probably had jeans with backs to them.
I'll never know the answer to any of these questions but I can't help but wonder how life spirals out of control so drastically. I'm not disgusted. I'm just curious. How have we gotten to a point where we're walking around without the backs of our pants?
WHY DO THEY ALL HAVE DOGS???
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