Valentino. Question Mark.

Fake tans have always confused me. I'm never really sure what the purpose is. What is the point of looking like you've been body painted as an Oompa Loompa in the middle of the winter in New York City or any other depressingly gray city? (I almost just spelled "gray" with an "e." Like some sort of self-loathing pretentious American. What is happening to me?! If that would have happened I think I would have shut up shop and deleted myself, from life.) I guess if it makes people feel better about themselves, no matter how superficial the motivations behind it, I should just let them be and carry on with my business. Not.

I don't really know too much about Valentino. I'm sure he is/was super talented and influential and many people adore him. I just don't understand what could possibly be going through his mind when he looks in the mirror. 1) Perfect hair. Check. (Kind of.) 2) Perfect teeth. Check. 3) Perfect Boy Toy. Check. (I agree.) 4) That Killa Illa Scrilla. Check. ("Phat money.") 5) Perfect suit. Check. 6) And now look at that skin. Orange? Yessir. Check.

Delusional? Check. This newer race of people who are more directly related to Chia Pets than humans will always baffle me. Will there one day be KKK members burning crosses in front of Orange People's homes? Will there be awesome stereotypes about them? Like, "Hey look at that Orange motherfucker, I bet he's ignorant as hell because his only interests are Pop music and 'having a good time.' " Actually what am I thinking, that's already the stereotype.

When I saw Valentino the other day he glanced over at me. My plan, when seeing famous people, is to do something I normally wouldn't do. I was originally going to yell, "Keep keepin' shit gangster Mr. Valentino!" followed by a thumbs up. Instead, I just gave him the thumbs up. His baffled expression was indeed inspirational. He looked at me as if I just caught the 150th Pokey Man. That might not be a good analogy. How about this? Picture an indigenous tribe watching a video of that Justin Bieber thing singing songs. Better yet, imagine me seeing that Justin Bieber thing for the first time. Could you imagine the amount of confusion?

So my brief encounter with Valentino proves that he is indeed influential. We should all aspire to be so rich that we forget (or probably never learned) what a "thumbs up" is. Thumbs up Valentino, you are truly an inspiration.

"Why did that peasant show me his upward pointing thumb? What does it mean? What does all of this mean?" - Valentino. Who am i kidding? He probably couldn't see through his tan.

Imagine the confusion if I would have actually said, "Keep keepin' shit gangster." Does he know what a High-5 is?