Shining Brightly.

Skin cancer is deadly. I'm brown so I never thought I'd have to worry about it. That was until I read an article that stated that even though brown people are less likely to get skin cancer, the cases are more severe when they do get it. We're better than white people at staying away from cancer but we're far worse at surviving. Actually we're just better at dying.

I spent the past 13 summers standing outside slaving away for white people at Ridgemoor Country Club. Listening to them talk about cheating on their wives and screwing people out of millions was never really entertaining, but I'm greedy and I got paid well so I stuck it out. Every single day I was out in the sun, not wearing sunscreen thinking, "I hope this sun roasts these asshole white people." Then I forgot all of these people had the antidote to all sicknesses. It's called MONEY. (Brown people might know it as "Illa Scrilla" and all sorts of other crazy names we've come up with mostly because we never see it and need to come up with a new name for it when we come across it.) I don't have any money so I'm not well-suited to having a skin cancer career, even though I've been building my resume for the past decade caddying. This summer I decided to make sure I didn't get a tan. I've been wearing long sleeves and a straw fedora with a big brim to make sure I'm in the shade all of the time. And so far it's worked. Not only am I not super tan like I usually am in the summer months, I kind of think pale Marty doesn't have to worry about people thinking he's going through their pockets, fishing around for their wallets. I feel trusted.

Ain't gonna get a job with all that color.

My whole, "Stay Light Brown" campaign came to an end today. I hung out in the sun all day with my new brown friend. We walked and talked and laughed and sighed. It was great. I really enjoyed myself. But why did I feel this way? Then I remembered. What do we do best? (Don't you dare say 'Fail at school' or 'Take advantage of government assistance.') We hang out in the sun! We're really good at it. Just go to your local park and watch all the brown people barbecue, play sports, and talk shit. Brown people love being in the sun. We're solar powered. So, it's inevitable. I'm getting browner. And I'm starting to feel more like myself. The Sun is shining down on me. Brighter than ever. And boy does she feel marvelous.