Big Daddy Food.

In grade school I rode a big yellow school bus and I had multiple awesome bus drivers. They were all named Melvin. Seriously. I had about 4 different bus drivers and they all claimed they were named Melvin. I don't want kind of crazy fucking conspiracy the yellow bus drivers of the world have going on but it continues to puzzle me.

One of the Melvins went by "Big Daddy." He was the best. The breaks failed on the bus one day and he somehow managed to get it to stop with no fuss at all. I mean he hit a parked car but everyone was safe. To calm everyone down he put on WGCI (the rap station in Chicago). I had never seen 3rd graders percolate and make IT clap. I didn't know it was possible. But it was (is) and I saw it. A 12 year-old Marty learned a lot that day. When a girl refused to share her bag of Hot Cheetos with us, Big Daddy got on the intercom, yelled at her, and made her bring the chips to the front of the bus. Big Daddy was big and hungry so I wouldn't have held it against him if he would have downed the chips. But Big Daddy was big into HONESTY and being FAIR. So he passed out the chips little by little to the kids who wanted them. It was incredible. But what really impressed me was that when the girl started turning it up on him and came out with some verbal abuse he got on the loud speaker again. This time he wasn't so nice. "Sit yourself down and shut your mouth! This ain't no gangbangin' bus! This is a SIT DOWN AND LEARN BUS! Good thing I was sitting down, because he swept me off of my feet that day.

Why must we have 5 meals in 1?

I saw the ad for the Mac 'n Cheese Big Daddy Patty Melt at the gym. That really should be illegal. People trying to work off some of the bullshit they consumed during the day, only to be reminded that they're weak and going to cave to temptation soon. How are we not supposed to fall victim to temptation when it comes as a Frisco Melt topped with Mac 'n Cheese. I think I would have been able to fight off the hookers in Jesus' time but if somebody would have laid this at my feet and said, "You're not allowed to eat this." I woulda given an eye roll and the jerk off hand pump and feasted my way into diarrhea and Hell. 

 Big Daddy only wore Big Daddy shirts. I feel like you'd have to wear a shirt like this when eating the Big Daddy melt.

Big Daddy was a great guy. I'm kind of sad they named a totally fucking disgusting sandwich after him. I guess there some sort of metaphor in that sandwich but I can't find it. Probably because there is Mac 'n fucking Cheese on it. I can't see through the grease and the bullshit.