Where do I even begin?

From The Sartorialist

I don't know these people. I can't say they're bad. I can't say they're worthless. I can't say they're evil. I can't. But I can ask, "How the hell did this happen?" What is this? Seriously. I'm almost speechless. I don't even know where to begin.

When I walk around New York and see people that look like this (there are many) I always wonder what kind of things they think about. I'm sure it doesn't stray too far from "Fall/Winter" or "Spring/Summer" or "Ready To Wear" or...I don't know too many fashion terms. But what are their views on other things? For example, what does that thing on the right think about global warming? Seriously. I'm not convinced they think, "I don't care about the Polar Bears or people that live below sea-level." I'm convinced they don't even know what global warming is. And not in a, "It's out of my control so I don't worry about it"-sort of way. But more like, "What in the world is a 'global'?"

Looking at them, I can't imagine that any HUMAN thought actually exists in those shaved/gelled/oddly-shaped heads of theirs. What is the conversation taking place during this picture? Is the thing on the left saying...

My goodness. I just spent a serious twenty minutes trying to think of a conversation that could be taking place between these two and I came up 100% completely empty. I couldn't even come up with a pretend shit-talking conversation that seemed worth it. All I could think of is, "The Hip Bone's connected to the...?" But that doesn't even work because I'm sure these two have never even heard the Bone song (nor have they ever heard of a Bone Thugs-N-Harmony song like "1st of Tha Month").

I think the thing that bothers me most about this picture is their expressions. They look so serious. Especially the one on the right. What kind of lashing does it give to its hairstylist (it's definitely not a hair"dresser") when there aren't enough bald patches?

I'm sure you know I can go on for hours about this picture. But I won't. And if you think it's because I'm done judging them, you're absolutely wrong. Why would I stop? Sure, they might not be bad people with shitty morals and terrible attitudes but why should I even even give them the chance? What are they contributing to society's happiness? Well, I guess I did laugh a bunch looking at this.

I'd love to get their Super Bowl predictions.

In an ideal world I'd have the perfect job for these people. (Actually in an ideal world, these people wouldn't exist.) I think it would be amazing to have these people visit third world countries. Any of them. Not to shed some light on the horrible situations that are taking place in these lands, I'm not trying to be Jesus (the son of God, not the landscaper). But to provide laughter and curiosity for the children of these suffering countries. Could you imagine? If these two things walked into a village, looking like they do now, things would get crazy.

Could you imagine the giggles (and probably cries) that would come out of this group?

Now that I think about it, it might not be the best idea. For some reason I don't think many of these children would find it very entertaining. They'd probably point fingers and giggle if they saw a person like me (I'd be used to it) so if they saw people that looked like this they might be forever ruined with horrible nightmares and terrible tales of aliens. I don't want to add that to the grocery list of problems they already have. Actually "grocery" list is probably a terrible term to use because lord knows most of these kids aren't getting anything close to "groceries."

How do these two worlds exist? There are billions of people in the world, all with their own hearts and own minds seeking their own desires, but I can't even hypothetically relate to these people. I couldn't even invent a conversation between the two. That worries me. Because if things get so abstract that I can't identify any human qualities in them, where does that leave me? Unable to talk any kind of shit. 

So, like that little kid, I guess I can just stand there with my hands crossed and a nervous smile on my face, wondering what is going on and hoping all of this silliness will be over soon.