Terrorize the terrorists.

Well the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks came and went. I didn't partake in any "festivities." I didn't listen to or watch any of the memorial broadcasts. I didn't see the point.

I never understood the need to make a tragedy like 9/11 a TV spectacle. It was almost as if people were celebrating the events. Just because that thing on TV didn't have floats, doesn't mean it wasn't a parade. I guess the TV networks made money off of it. Exploiting innocence and a tragic event, that's terrorism.

All I did today was work and eat dinner with my lady friend. We had UNO's deep dish pizza which was pretty good but nothing compared to Lou Malnati's. We also had Freedom Fries and a chocolate chip cookie with ice cream on it. So I guess we celebrated our freedom by getting nice and fat (and probably diarrhea in my case).

I don't know what you're supposed to do on days like this. A friend told me he saw people watching the memorial on TV and crying while running on the treadmill and "goofing" (I don't have a better name for that movement) on the elliptical. Go home and do that shit. Seriously. You're not working out and you're not on stage. If you want to reflect and cry your eyes out that's completely fine. But don't make a show out of it. That's some real Canadian-type shit. Americans don't cry in public! We stunt. And we stunt hard.

Easily the most beautiful pair of shoes I've ever bought. So far.

So that's why I bought these babies. The best way to promote freedom and prove you will not live your life in fear is to strap on a beautiful pair of shoes and walk the streets with confidence. Actually, I don't think that's a way to promote freedom, I think it's just a way to go in debt. Either way, go out and kick a motherfucker in the head. Just kidding. Don't do that. It'll mess up your shoes.

If you've ever seen a terrorist's feet you'd probably be able to guess why they're so pissed off all the time. Think about it. Al Qaeda walk around in sandals. Could you imagine the tan-lines? The fungi? The terrorist foot which is athlete's foot for people who only exercise on jungle gym's (you ever see those terrorist videos?) I just imagine Osama Bin Laden pacing back and forth yelling. "How am I supposed to get pussy with feet like these?"

Not sure these are Bin Laden's feet. I know he's dead but these could have been taken during his trip to Disney World a few years ago.

Actually we all know the real terrorist is George W. Bush. And he's not walking around in disgusting sandals. He's walking around in something else: His daddy's shoes. Let freedom ring.

That's me in my beautiful shoes at Ground Zero.