Warm weather.

The first warm day after winter should be officially titled, "Act a Fuckin' Fool Day." It was 65 in New York and people went b-a-n-a-n-a-s. Every weirdo slithered out from whatever rock they'd been hibernating under, all of the brown people skipped their jobs (yea right) to talk shit and drink cheap liquor, white people started "Happy Hour" a few hours early, and all sorts of fat people stunk up the city. It wasn't all bad though, ze ladiez had their muffins hanging out which is always alright in my book.

I guess I really shouldn't be all that surprised by the fact that people who are locked up in their apartments for a few months want to get out and enjoy the fresh air and warm weather. But I can't get over the fact that it's the same everywhere. And why do brown people always act the craziest? When I was in college a brown guy tried to run me over on the first warm day of the year. The fact that he yelled, "Getcha bitch ass out the way!" while he was aiming the front of his car at me was icing on the cake. How did he know I was a bitch? I'm starting to wonder if the warmth reminds us brown second-class citizens of the lands we came from. Do we like to take our shirts off and scream at each other from a block down because it reminds us of our mating calls we used to have back home in the tropical brown people lands? Do we buy shitty liquor and stand on the corner telling the same stories because it reminds us of our rituals where we used to sit around a fire, get drunk, and talk to the brown people spirits? Were these things lost when we were being raped and ravaged by the white people countries that forced Brunch, Happy Hour, and "Potlucks" down our throats? Is it just our nature to act a fuckin' fool once it gets warm out?

I've come across so many people that say, "New York City sucks during the summer. Everybody leaves." I was convinced that people left because of the smell. Rotting garbage and fat people's folds make this a pretty smelly place. But after today I know exactly who leaves the city and why. White people leave the city because the warm weather turns this place into a concrete jungle. We reclaim the city. One Puerto Rican Day Parade at a time.

But seriously, did you see the outfits some of those girls were wearing?

I Googled "Wild Brown People" and this awesome image of Bobby Brown showed up. Perfect.