Although I'm a fan of The Onion, sometimes I worry real headlines will overshadow any humorous satire since they are increasingly ridiculous and often unbelievable. This isn't from The Onion.
First of all, I'm not sure "resides" is the best word to use in a headline that is already so ridiculous. It's not as if she was picking out wallpaper and curtains for the spare bedroom that is actually a different part of the horse's hollowed out corpse. To me, that's what the word "resides" implies. In any case, this whole story is astonishing. I can't imagine this is going to be on "Stuff White People Like." But I'm pretty sure being "appalled" and "disgusted" at animal abuse will be.
When my friend Matt asked me if I had come across this story I was genuinely confused. "A naked white bitch did what? With her titties out and errrrthang?" That's what raced through my mind (Yes, my internal voice is exactly like Shanene's. Get over it). When I got home from work I went online and tried to figure out what he was talking about.
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| Yes. Indeed. With her titties out and errrrrrrrrthang. |
What kind of fucking daddy issues leads to this? Kiddie fiddling doesn't lead to this. At least I don't think it does. Was it too many chores? Too many piano recitals? WHAT WAS IT?! This is a perfect example of why you shouldn't tell your children they can be whatever they want to be when they grow up. Some white bitches grow up wanting to be naked and in dead horses.
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| "Grab them penises and suck them juices off!" |
I'm not happy that she killed a horse so she could play house with its insides. But with all of this craziness it's not at the top of my list of concerns. My main concern is that she did to make Art. Yes. This is an art piece. I always make fun of "egg carton" art and "installations" and people talking about the latest "space" they're thinking of putting up their newest egg carton installation. I'm sick of it all. And why shouldn't I be? To be an artist today, you have to buy a Mac, get a Moleskine, grow a beard and be mediocre (Marty C. = Check. Check. Neckstache good enough? Check.). And don't forget to tell people you're an artist when they ask you what you do. That always comes first before the true answers of, "I'm a waiter" or "I work in retail" or "My dad is rich." Art these days is advertising yourself and seeking attention (Follow me on Twitter @martycuatchon,
subscribe to Daddy Issues on iTunes, Thanks for reading my blog!). It's not about making anything beautiful or putting effort into anything. Nope. Naked white bitches killing and getting into horses is Art. Dig it!
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| I will bet every dime I have that this guy's name is Todd. |
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| Now I get it! Her daddy must have not tucked her into bed at night. Kill a horse. Cut it open. Get into it. It's like daddy's giving you a nice big hug. |
Naked white bitches killing and getting in horses. I'll never understand it. It's a shame because she's actually kinda cute.
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