Regular Sex.

This is an old notebook I used to carry around. I opened it to a random page and it said, "I don't know about this 'Regular Sex' thing. I don't know it. And I don't like it. I'll keep my eye on it."

"Regular Sex" is about as foreign to me as 5'7" and a big penis. This whole idea that you can carry out your entire day: take the kids to school, go grocery shopping, say hello to your neighbor, walk the dog, then come home and have sex regularly is something I've only read about in magazines and seen in movies. I'm not even sure it actually exists. While most people question if Big Foot or God exists, I question this whole Regular Sex thing. Where does it live? What does it look like? When was the last known sighting?

Many people think that having a partner must mean you've found Regular Sex. I'm not sure it's true. Just look at all the horror stories of relationships and marriage. At first the happy couple has Awkward Sex. Then they figure it out a little and have Exciting Sex. Then the guy has a couple drinks and tries to reenact the things he saw on that website he pays for with his single friend's credit card. That takes it to Weird Sex. Then the girl (or feminine guy (Canadian)) cries and it becomes some form of Emotional Sex. With the tears and anger out of the way, they can finally relax and have Regular Sex. After they start going to more dinner parties and gossiping about other couples they start to read before bed. It gets late and one or the other is too tired so they each say, "Goodnight" and "I Love You," and POOF. They should have said "Goodbye." Goodbye to Regular Sex. Never to be seen again. And it's traumatizing I know. Imagine seeing Big Foot (or God, whichever fantasy you're living in) with your best friend in the middle of a field and as you turn to each other to say "Oh. My. God! (or Big Foot, whichever fantasy you're living in)" you look back and only see a shadow. Nothing. Gone. Never to be seen again. Can you imagine how afraid you'd be to leave that friend behind? You witnessed something most people dream about. And you witnessed it together. The fear of losing that memory of this thing they call Regular Sex, that's what seems to be keeping all of these couples together. Who gives a shit if they're happy with each other? They stay together because they can look back and say, "We saw it. It was here. Then one day it was gone." The brave (some would say stupid) break loose (usually after many years) and seek to find it again. And some do. But not for very long. Regular Sex comes to say "What up cuz?" (how do YOU know Regular Sex isn't black just like God and Big Foot?), then it disappears just as quickly as it (you*) came.

So is "Regular Sex" keeping us together or tearing us apart. I guess some couples are just happy enough with sharing the fact that they've experienced it. They saw it with their own eyes and that's good enough for their lifetime together. They look through old photos to when they were younger. That sparkle in their eyes gives it all away. And others. Others are constantly seeking it. With this person or that. Or with this thing or that animal. Never happy and always looking. Trying to get a glimpse, a taste, a sniff of IT again. Always coming up short. Reminded that they are alone. Forever.

And what do I think? You want to know about me? Well. Like I said. It's about as foreign to me as confidence. And if it takes having a good job, or talking to a neighbor, or going grocery shopping once a week, or maintaining appearances, then I'm good. I lie to myself enough as it is. I don't need to lie to other people to sneak a peek. It won't fill the hole in my heart. So I don't sweat it. I'll just take what I can get. And go from there.