Most Annoying Thing Ever.

What is the thing that annoys you the most? Lying? Cheating? Men who don't leave the toilet seat down? Is it the fact that McDonald's breakfast ends at 10:30AM? All of the above? It's a tough question to answer. Everything pisses me off and I think about all of it all of the time and I'm not even close to figuring out what I find the MOST annoying. It obviously has something to do with White People. Or Brown People. Or Fat People. Actually, it has something to do with People. I just don't know what.

Today at work a customer walked passed me on her phone yelling, "...and he always leaves me voicemails which is THE MOST ANNOYING THING EVER!" I was speechless. I'm sure we can do better than "leaving voicemails" as The Most Annoying Thing Ever. I mean c'mon. Doesn't this lady know there are whole races/ethnicities that revolve around being annoying? If she knew something about anything she'd know that this is 100% not the most annoying thing. Not now. Not ever. Actually, I bet this lady was just coming up with a bunch of justifications for why it was OK to dump her loving boyfriend. Just looking for excuses and the best thing she could come up with is voicemails. And it's obvious he loved her. He left her a voicemail which makes me believe he actually thought about her when he wasn't with her (which is more than most guys do) and he probably called to say "Hello" because he was having a shitty day and needed to hear her voice, well, there might have been a gun to his head and he might have been forced to leave her a voicemail which is also possible (and would be no surprise at all if it turned out to be the truth). He didn't stand a chance. She dumped her boyfriend because she got asked out for a drink by the guy at her job who is a complete fucking asshole but played college football and has amazing obliques. She's really trying to hold back her gut feeling that's telling her, "This work asshole doesn't care about you. He's just looking for a hole to fill." And so is she. The hole that is in her heart because she has played the Popularity Contest her whole life and can't accept the fact that the person she is actually in love with is a perfectly normal guy who has a few nerdy friends but is always there for her. He's just an average looking guy that just isn't the handsome guy with a perfect smile and great job security (and totally amazing obliques). "...and he always leaves me voicemails which is THE MOST ANNOYING THING EVER!" So she says.

The Most Annoying Thing Ever is that this is what people spend their time talking about (on the phone or online, never in person) because they are too afraid to deal with spending a few hours away from all of the people that tell them the things they want to hear in attempt to make everyone feel a little bit less alone. People like "Ms. Voicemails Are The Most Annoying Thing Ever" are the Most Annoying Things Ever.

Actually scratch that. Reggaeton is The Most Annoying Thing Ever.

Don't believe me?

Daddy [J]ankee < Voicemails.