Christmas. Or "Xmas" if you're an asshole.

This is how my Christmas started:

What's this? Santa (aka my aunt and uncle) sent me a package.

I hope it's filled with quarters!

Uh oh...

Tubby Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is me happy. This is also me not doing a good job wearing my retainer.

Thank you Jesus! Think about how awesome he is. Everyone else gets gifts on HIS birthday. Incredible.

One of my gifts to myself:

You know your team is pathetic when you have this loser on your tickets? That would be like the Bulls putting Will Perdue on their tickets. Which would actually be totally awesome.

Pretty Decent tickets. Or as some assholes would say, "tix."

You better believe I had my red Bulls shirt on. After taking off my jacket, it only seemed right to start yelling at all of the Knicks fans. Most used line of the game: "C'mon Rose dunk on these garbage ass bitches!"

How many bum bitches can you fit on one half of a basketball court? Let's start counting.

At one point all of the white players on the Bulls were fetching the balls and passing them to all of the true ballers. Post-racial America!

Since I went Hard In Da Paint on Christmas Eve I had to nurse my hangover. $5 for this bottle of water with no cap. I asked the vendor why I couldn't have the cap. "Because people like to throw bottles in Madison Square Garden." I guess when your team sucks for twenty-something years you ain't poppin' bottles. You're throwin' 'em.

Probably the worst jersey in basketball. What the fuck is a "Felton?"

M.V.P. = This guy. This picture doesn't do him justice but he talked mad shit the entire game (as did I). Every time Stoudemire got the ball he'd yell "OVER. RATED." Everyone in our section hated him. In this picture he's lecturing some young fools about how worthless the Knicks are. Right on.

I bought myself these 3 items that I really love. Cost me a fortune. You know I gotta make sure I'm always playin' pretty in this steez game.

This is what I looked like at the beginning of Christmas Eve. You have my permission to jerk off to this picture if you're really sick and twisted. I won't judge.

This is what I felt like Christmas morning. Children, this is a hangover.

But when you're Marty. This is also a hangover!

Happy Holidays. Hope you had fun. I sure as hell did.