Could you imagine how John Beasley's life is? Everyone knows who he is but no one knows anything specific about him. He must get, "Man, weren't you in a bunch of movies?!?!" from all sorts of strangers all of the time.
I apologize to those who actually heard the story out of his mouth but it has been such an inspiration for me (to figure out my relationship with Oprah) that I have to share it. Mr. Beasley said that when he got casted alongside Oprah in Brewster Place, he told Oprah, "Look. This is a big deal for me so don't mess it up." Now I'm not sure this is exactly what he said but it's something along those lines. What I do know is this. Oprah replied, "NIGGA! You CRAZY?!?!" which is about the greatest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. The idea of a Hood Oprah blows my mind.
My relationship with Oprah has been a rollercoaster ride. Throughout grade school and high school I found myself constantly disgusted by her (when she was brought up in conversation, I don't want you to think I was sitting around all day thinking about her). I think most of my bitterness towards her was completely unfair and definitely unfounded. I admit that I always thought it was silly how people took her words as fact. And today I'm dumbfounded at how awesome she is at staying popular for such an extended period of time.
After a good hour (+/- a few hours) of discussing Oprah's life Josh and I came up with some really good ideas about our Oprah movie. Since we don't have any money and don't really know anything about Oprah we've managed to cut a few corners. We don't have to pay an actress to play "Gail" (or however she spells it) because I'm convinced she doesn't exist. Josh said he's seen a picture of her and I've heard her name thrown around but for some reason the only image that comes to mind when I hear the name is:
Sorry if it's racist to equate the name "Gail" to a random fat black lady that I love. And I do love Nell Carter. It's a weird coincidence that Oprah's middle name is Gail. I think Josh's theory that she was probably the first person who had a name Oprah could remember carries significant weight.
We also don't have to pay Stedman because I don't know what he looks like either. I mean, I have an idea but I refuse to Google either of them because the images in my mind of what these people look like are a lot funnier. For example when someone mentions "Stedman" I automatically think:
Eric mu-fuckin' Holder in the house yall.
So that takes care of the budget. Any scenes with Gail or Stedman will be Oprah talking to an off camera voice, which of course will be me. Problem(s) solved. Our biggest concern was finding an Oprah. We thought that holding an open call all across America would be our best option. We then realized that those open call auditions would be infinitely more entertaining than any movie we could ever make about Oprah's life. Plus, it is highly probable that Oprah is going to produce and direct a movie about her life which will undoubtedly be amazing (and the most badass "I'm Awesome" thing ever done by anyone in history) and hopefully star Meagan Good playing Oprah.
As for our open call. How many fat black gay guys do you think we'd get? How about women who have never acted before but simply have a "personal relationship" with Oprah? We could have them act out a serious Oprah, maybe a scene from The Color Purple or when Wendy's runs out of Spicy Chicken Nuggets. Or maybe a more light-hearted Oprah like when she's giving away cars and chocolates. Or maybe a dramatic Oprah like when she's crying on a random white guy's shoulder.
What are those tears really for Oprah? Are you happy about the first African-American President or are you sad that Obama beat you to it? And Jim White Guy. You better have sold that tear-soaked shirt.
Wait. How many fat WHITE gay guys would we get?
This is the woman I was actually thinking about when I thought of my mental image of Gail:
It's obviously Shirley Hemphill because I was a way bigger fan of What's Happening? than of Gimme a Break! Yea, I'm pretty sure that's racist. Sorry.
To Be Continued...
Credit to Hector H. for sharing this story. Well, for not killing me for stealing his story.
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