I'm getting to that age where the stupid (happier?) people in my life are starting to talk about marriage and eventually having kids. Of course that isn't me. You need a date before you can have kids (George Costanza). I'm not sure I even want kids. I think it's weird enough that my brother has a child. You never really imagine that a person who shared the same upbringing as you would ever have to raise a child of their own. At least I didn't for some reason. When my brother was 26 he already had a little kid to worry about. He had a child, I had (have) rats (and eczema, never forget that damn eczema). So when I've watched my brother raise his daughter I've found myself wondering what she'll become. Of course I hope she'll be great. I already know she's going to be really talkative and probably a complete pain in the ass. And that makes me smile.
The other day I got a photo message from my brother that has had me completely puzzled.
"From Ariel."
She seems to have prepared a breakfast for me. She's 6 (5? I told you I'm a terrible person). But It's only one egg. And yes it's fake. Don't judge her! She's fucking 5 (6?)! How dare you? Do you think we'd actually let her get close to a stove to cook up an egg? And do you think she's taking orders? My brother sitting on the couch, drinking a beer at 7 AM yelling, "Yo Ariel, that shit better be sunny-fucking-side-up or your Puerto Rican ass is going to get it!" Of course he's not. (But it would be amazing if he was.) I just don't get it. Why would she want me to see this? As I sat staring at the picture I thought, "This little idiot. She totally set up the fork on the wrong side! And why the hell would I need a spoon?!?!" I sat there laughing at her stupidity, then got depressed at the realization that my niece was going to turn into the latest guest on Maury. Then I started to think about the common Puerto Rican girl stereotypes and I got even more depressed. Yep, I never want to have kids. Why would I want all of that worry in my life? Then I came across this picture. Keep in mind, I was a server at a catering company for a while and this was an important part of the job. Proper table settings...
I am a total fucking moron.
Should I be proud that she can set a table? Will this ever be useful in life? Are proper table settings relevant at all anymore? Were they ever? Don't I want her to become a modern independent woman who isn't worried about all of the shit that doesn't matter?
I haven't seen or talked to Ariel in months. I have no idea what she's been up to. Well I mean I guess I have an idea. It's not like she can do much at the age of 5/6. That picture is the only thing we've shared in a while. And it has told me way more about myself than it has about her. I'm too quick to judge. I'm arrogant. I'm an asshole. And I'm an idiot. But she already knew that. That's why there is a spoon next to the right/correct side of the plate. She knows an idiot needs a spoon to eat an egg.
Ariel and I. (And some random little girl wearing Jordans who just really wanted to be in the picture.)
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