Play Pretty.: Urophobia.

A few weeks ago I was looking up phobias to see what was out there and to make a checklist of the ones I have. I won't bore you with my usual, "Fear of having to talk to people" or "Fear of not finding a somewhat clean STD-free toilet to use" or "The catalyst that causes pretty girls to Fear me" which isn't really a phobia, it's just really depressing. You can pretty much guess which phobias I think I have. If you haven't ever looked up the phobias that many people suffer from you really need to search the world wide web and educate yourself because some of them are really amazing. I remember that one girl Frankie (R.I.P.) on The Real World was afraid of large metal objects (it's a constant struggle to not make a robot dick joke). She'd be terrified terrified when large ships would float on by and she couldn't face skyscrapers. At the time I remember thinking it was totally amazing. That was until I read about Urophobia. The Fear Of Urine. (Good name for a horror flick?)

It's hard for me to imagine a person being afraid of urine. Do they piss running backwards screaming "AH!!!!!!!!"? What a mess that would be! I'm not trying to say that it's stupid or the people that suffer from urophobia are morons, I'm just trying to say that it's an extremely weird thing to think about. The mind that can't handle the sight of urine or urinating is a mind that has some serious issues. And I hope they aren't daddy-related.

The thing that bothers me isn't the fact that Urophobia exists. it's the fact that there is some parent out there that has to shell out money for an expert to psychoanalyze their child into figuring out why they are afraid of pee. I don't think people should go around shouting with excitement every time they take a piss but I also don't think they should ball up in the corner and cry (my usual Friday/Saturday night) every time they have to use the potty. Could you imagine being a parent trying to explain it to other parents?

"So what kind of extracurriculars is little Bobby into?"
"Well he loves comic books, and we just signed him up for piano and ice hockey but I also have to send him to the treatment center."
"OH NO! Is everything alright?"
"Yeah for the most part. The kid just really hates pee. Can't stand it."
"?"
"Yeah it looks like community college for him. No way an Ivy League school is going to accept a kid that doesn't know how to pee like a man."

And it's not just exclusive to children. Adults suffer from Urophobia too. I have a hard enough time going to the doctor and answering their questions. I couldn't even imagine having to tell them that I was afraid of peeing. And c'mon, real gangsters aren't going to let pee get in the way of popping bottles and straight stuntin'. Could you imagine a gangster that was afraid of pissing? I'd like to think it doesn't exist.

You know why I don't believe gangsters with pissing problems exist?

"I pee this big on owwww da bitchez."

And I'd assume that this phobia is more common with men because we have to see our pee on the way out. Women can just ignore it.

But some choose not to...