I'm sure this asshole has a dog that he doesn't take care of.
I guess I should have seen the rise in popularity coming since people really love showing society just how "different" and "rebellious" they can be. You already know what I'm going to say. What's your best guess as to why you think I think people get gauges? Yep. You're right. Daddy issues. But I'm going to share with you a scientific discovery I made all by myself. (And trust me, I am all by myself. You think I'd have time to think of this shit if I wasn't?)
When I was younger, I remember being unbelievably perplexed when my teacher told us that the rings on a tree reveal how old it is. I remember thinking, "HAHA! No seriously, that's just something you tell us because we're young and naive and still pull our pants all the way down when we go peepee at the urinal. But seriously. What are they actually for?" Yea, even at such a young age I was questioning authority. And then as the years wore on, I was told by multiple Science teachers that this was indeed the case. I still sometimes wonder, "Who the hell figured that out? He (she) must have been All By Himself (Herself) because no one with a semi-attractive partner would have the time to think of such craziness." I'm also too lazy to google it and do some modern research on the history of the The Great Tree Rings Debate.
If my counting ability is up to par, I think this tree is 21 years old which means it can legally drink alcohol and feel guilty for smashing on 17 year-olds. Oh wait no it can't because its fucking dead.
"He" hates his dad, but just a little bit. My guess: "Dad didn't properly show me how to put on eyeliner until I was 20 which was much too late for prom! Asshole!"
This dude hates his dad a fair amount. My guess: "Dad didn't play catch with me enough when I was little. He also never gave me tips on how to pick up women so I've resorted to gelling my hair into that weird pointy thing that I saw on that Hot Topic ad. I also kinda sorta gave a guy a handjob in the bathroom of that Fall Out Boy concert. I still don't know if I liked it or not."
He hates his dad a pretty good amount. My guess: "I hate my dad. But I'd love to call the right guy DADDY! All. Night. Long."
He REALLY hates his dad. My guess: "I really hate my dad...so I fucking killed him. He's dead and I still really hate him. I really hate my mom too. WHY DO I HAVE TO CLEAN MY ROOM BEFORE I CAN PLAY Wii BOWLING? IT'S NOT FAIR!!! Maybe I'll kill her too."Pretty significant scientific breakthrough huh? These things tell me everything about a person's relationship with their father. I can really gauge how much they hate their dads. Is that where the name came from?
I'm sure some of you "educated" assholes think you found a flaw in my breakthrough. You didn't. "Well how do you explain the Africans and Native tribes that have been putting gauges in their ears for years???"
She really hates white people. I'm guessing they probably stole her people's land and gave them smallpox blankets.
If I'm reading his gauge correctly. He really really really fucking hates white people. So much so that he put little drums in his ears so that when one of his buddies wants to freestyle about how much white people suck, he doesn't have to beat box, he can get his ?uestlove on.I hope I proved my point.
P.S. Is it rape if it's through the gauge hole? Oh shit. Are these things for us to gauge what size penises these guys are interested in? Oh goddamnit. I give up.
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ReplyDeleteYou must really hate your dad for not going out his way in teaching you; to treat people with respect for their individuality and culture and lifestyle. Your dad raise you nice and right to be a giant asshole. Oh no, does that mean as an asshole someone might rape you as well?
ReplyDeleteLittle tears of laughter just ran down my face from how hard I laughed...
ReplyDeleteWell I was tracking with you as you went on about trees' rings being a sign of aging and so forth, but then you took it down a totally different road that doesn't make much sense to me personally. Rather I should say; it makes sense, just it was a bit ridiculous, if not still comical. I figured you were going to go with the idea that gauges represent a sign of age and wisdom in cultures that have formerly used them (Of course age or wisdom doesn't have as much relevance to how modern cultures use gauges) it is still a more plausible reason for the beginning roots of this tradition rather than just a simple display of hatred. Further more I have gauges and don't hate my father in the least, he actually helped me through a few rough patches and we both agree to disagree on my gauges.
ReplyDelete-Just a different point of view here-
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ReplyDeletedo u know who creates and manufactures earring gauges
ReplyDeletelcronian1957@gmail.com
No. I do not.
ReplyDeleteIts a trend. I happen to have much more modest gauges but I HAVE A TERRIFIC REALATIONSHIP WITH MY FATHER. Do not GAUGE my relationship with my father on account of my body modifications. Im getting tattoos does that mean I have to rape someone first?
ReplyDeletehow does it POSSIBLY effect your life what people do to themselves anyway. if your neighbour's kid has gauges how is that gonna alter your life so bad you just cant handle it anymore? like really? are his ears just gonna come and sit themselves in your cereal bowl while you eat? no. so why is it any of your business?
ReplyDeletepeople like you make me sick. people like you are the very reason there is so much hate and discrimination in the world.
SMH
ReplyDelete