Gay Marriage and Magic Eye.

I've never really understood the Gay Marriage Movement. Why are people fighting so hard to get married? I feel like the only people who should be excited about marriage are those who have been living under a wet rock their whole lives and have managed to dodge all of the horror stories their friends have about marriage. (You're probably wondering how a person who grew up under a rock has friends. I never said they wouldn't have access to Facebook.) I thought marriage = misery. Is that wrong? Why is, "Marty, don't get married until you absolutely have to," such popular advice these days? (That and, "Take your goddamn hand out of your pants and go talk to her...") I'm sure women would love to blame men for all of the failed marriages. "This wouldn't be so hard if he just noticed me." And you might have a point. But there are shitloads of married women out there who contribute to the misery. And women, what would you spend hours talking about on the phone if you were perfectly happy with your marriage?

Logically, it doesn't make sense to me. I know the human desire for companionship is unbelievably strong. I spend a good amount of time on here describing my experiences with loneliness (I hope in an entertaining way!). But I don't understand why the majority of people choose to get married. An eternal commitment seems a bit silly. It's like people fighting to get into Hell. If less people got married we would hear less disgusting things about politicians, we'd have less trash like Maury and Divorce Court, and we'd hear a lot less bitching from our married friends about their spouses that we don't give a shit about. (No more Maury would mean less kids, I'm convinced people use that show as baby making music these days.) Would humans be happier? Probably not, but that has less to do with marriage than it does with the fact that people are simply...the worst. I do think there would be a lot less arguing and boring stories. "My asshole husband forgot to pick up the dry cleaning and so I'm not going to have sex with him for a year." "My bitch of a wife won't have sex with me for a year because I forgot to pick up her fucking dry cleaning. I'm going to drive my kids into the nearby lake, get out of the car, and pretend it was an accident. I can't wait to see the look on her face!" Terrible things come from terrible people who are too afraid to spend 10 minutes alone with themselves to realize, "Hey, marriage isn't going to fill that hole in my heart."

I am not married. Obviously. I don't spend my Friday nights at the movies, or at a nice romantic dinner with my hypothetical partner. I spend it reading, writing, partying, and trying to see the images in those Magic Eye pictures. I think these Magic Eye pictures are the one thing I understand less than the Gay Marriage Movement. (I know that these things aren't even close to being on the same level.) It has frustrated me forever. People do it with such ease and then have no problem rubbing it in your face or bragging about how they can do it and you can't. They also have the nerve to describe how awesome it is or how disappointed they are with what they see. They can't just appreciate the fact that others aren't so lucky. These people can't even begin to explain how to make it work and take their ability to do it for granted. It's unbelievably frustrating. I hate feeling left out and I hate thinking that there may be the possibility that I'll never be able to experience what everyone else seems to be experiencing. Oh. My. Goodness. Sound familiar? Now I understand the Gay Marriage Movement...

This is marvelous. I can finally see. And boy is it beautiful.

Modern Knight. It's a knight with a gun right? Please say yes.