The Ace Hotel.

You all know I'm not one for complaining but last night's events were ridiculous. To make a long story short. Me, my roommate Josh, and my friend Donna went to the much-hyped Ace Hotel for their Friday night of fun. Q-tip from A Tribe Called Quest spins every Friday while many brown and white people put their socioeconomic differences aside for a little ass shakin' and pussy poppin'. All of this at the very low price of $10/person. Here is what I thought was going to happen:

The three of us were going to walk into Liberty Hall, listen to some Tribe Called Quest and other Hip-Hop classics. We'd dance a little (even Josh), get our Crunk on, and go home with smiles on our face. I was even planning on getting a little crazy and maybe making some eye contact with girls that were taller than me.

That isn't too much to ask for right? Here is what actually happened.

We got there and paid the cover. There was some shitty boring music playing. They only have one bar with a bunch of fuckin' morons bartending. And if you order more than one drink you have to show multiple IDs (even though it's a 21+ show). Magically a lot of the richer looking white people that surrounded me weren't asked for multiple IDs but of course I was. (Sorry white people, I don't hate you. I'm just really jealous.) $6 for a Tecate is absurd. Hitler should have strung up the people that thought charging $6 for a can of Tecate was acceptable. 45 minutes into the evening the police showed up and told everybody we had to leave because The Ace Hotel doesn't have a liquor license. So after spending about $70 on 6 drinks and listening to shitty music we were asked to leave. I then went up to ask for a refund and was told that it wasn't "possible." I think teleportation isn't "possible." I think a "cool Australian" isn't "possible." And I think a fat black girl who isn't fun and funny isn't "possible." But never did I think getting reimbursed $10 when not receiving a simple service was without a doubt an IMPOSSIBILITY. I complained to the bouncers. I even got PTA-yuppie-mom on their asses and said they should be ashamed of themselves. This was before we got escorted out of the hotel by little fatso police officers for "trespassing."

This morning I woke up livid. What kind of scam are they running over there? And why aren't there any repercussions for anything ever? Was it always this way? Back in the day if you looked at somebody wrong you could challenge them to a duel and go outside and have the chance to FUCKING KILL THEM! You know what I was able to do? You know how I showed them that I meant business? I SHOT them an E-MAIL. Great. I can't even slam a phone on somebody. Nope, I can just respectfully complain with good but not great grammar and a mediocre vocabulary. OOoOoOOoooO I SHOWED THEM!!! Take that evil wrongdoers.

It's like paying money to go to the circus, buying treats, taking your seats, and then being told that the elephants don't feel like being bossed around today and then asked to leave. It's actually not really like that at all but I'm analogy-less. It's like paying a prostitute to have FunTime, going up to the room (or behind the trash can in the alley) and then being told, "Hey I have AIDS and....a penis. If you don't like that, you gotta go." Not really like that either.

So basically you know what my Friday night event was? I paid $10 to stand in a room. Somewhere in the world I hope there is an art exhibition that is exactly that. The Art of "People Are Total Assholes."