A Rat Tale.

I'm sure everyone in NYC deals with mice in their apartments. It's no surprise to me. However, it gets to be a bit much when you have to cover your entire kitchen floor with glue traps to protect the food that is stashed away atop makeshift tables and well-thought-out hiding places. For weeks Josh and I have seen mice come and go. So far we've managed to kill 2 of them but of course that was short-lived when the very next day we saw another one strutting around looking for its next 14 course meal. Many bagels and kaiser rolls have been lost to these little bitches.

But about a week ago things changed drastically. After coming home from a night out, Josh said he was awakened by the sounds of commotion coming from our kitchen. He came out of his room to find a RAT having his way with some fresh garbage. Not wanting any real trouble he back peddled and locked the door. He immediately texted me saying that he saw this vile creature in our kitchen and recommended we spend the next day Spring cleaning. Of course it was the only night I forgot to put my phone on silent so I was wakened by the beep. As I read it, I started to hear the sounds he was talking about. I laid in my bed, under my covers, shivering, wondering what I was going to do. Like any normal human being I strapped on my winter boots and grabbed a half-filled water bottle as my weapon. My plan was to jump on it if it got too close. I'm not exactly sure what the water bottle was for but it was the closest thing I had that resembled a bat so I went with it. I opened the door to find ripped bags but no RAT. I threw the garbage out and went back to bed. I laid there motionless and scared shitless for 4 hours.


After we cleaned we set up some fresh glue traps. I bought six 2-packs of the Jumbo Size traps. The Chinaman at the Dollar Store took notice and said, "Oh you have lots of mice," in a really awesome Ching-Chong accent. I said, "Yea and if this doesn't do the trick I'm going to buy a gun." Let me be the first to say that if a Chinaman is shocked at how many mice he thinks you have, well you have way too many fucking mice.

A few more traps for under the dishwasher.

Josh looking pretty optimistic with our glue barriers. He'll regret that later.

Things were calm for a few nights. Everything stayed clean, we put our food in a different spot, and sort of forgot that we ever shared our apartment with a RAT. I even started to think that this RAT was only really a part of Josh's imagination. Then a few nights ago I went out to buy some rolls and bagels for the upcoming week. Before I went to bed I put them on a table that I thought was unclimbable. I'm an idiot. I woke up hearing plastic bags being ripped open. He was back. I strapped on my boots, grabbed my water bottle, and put on my game face. Of course I made a huge amount of noise before I exited my room knowing the RAT would run back to his bachelor pad.

I found a whole roll gone, half of the other shredded up and a nibbled on raisin bagel. RATs don't seem to enjoy raisin bagels. I cleaned up the mess and threw out the garbage. I went back to bed and laid there motionless and scared shitless, again.

Seriously, how did that bitch climb this? I guess pretty easily.

The next evening I saw that one of the glue traps was pulled halfway under the dish washer. Not thinking anything of it, I attempted to pull it out so I could setup the fortress again. This is when I noticed that a wire from the dishwasher I had never seen before was dangling and caught in the trap. After a little bit of elbow grease I managed to free the trap.

Get ready.

After looking closely I noticed something kind of strange looking. I looked closer. RAT TAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look at how long it is. The RAT must have gotten it caught and then chewed it off to survive. That's some 127 Hours type shit right there. If you look closely you can see some of its saliva and blood.

So we're back at it with even more traps.

I even put a bucket with a lock in it (to weigh it down) in front of the cabinet doors because Josh said he heard a door open the night he first came across that little tail-less fuckface.

Now we're both sitting here. Waiting anxiously. How this RAT tale will end we don't know. I just hope that if we do catch this little asshole it doesn't have its tail. Because if it does we have a way bigger problem on our hands.

I'm sure any one of these little guys would have taken care of this rodent problem a long time ago. Especially that little bald Chinese (take my word for it) dude on the left.