The Male Gaze.

The other day I wore an adorable bow tie to work and was showered with far too many compliments. I appreciated all the nice words but they didn't really compare to the homeless dudes that lost their shit (they never really had any) on seeing me and my bow tie. The first homeless man, Jimmy, kept repeating, "Move over Red Rover let Jimmy take over." I couldn't figure out what he was talking about until I noticed the couple in front of me. The guy had red hair and his ladyfriend was unbelievable looking. C'mon Red Rover move out of the way and let Jimmy have his shot. (After a hepatitis shot of course.) For some reason when I think of Red Rover obliging I see Jimmy gathering up his 2 shopping carts of treasures and inviting his new (main) bitch to his makeshift home under the bridge. How romantic it would all be. But when the couple failed to acknowledge Jimmy he simply shouted, "No? Alright then." That's when he noticed my bow tie and said, "Maybe if I had a bow tie I'd have a chance. "That is a nice bow tie, Mr. Bow Tie Man." I would have happily given Jimmy the bow tie if him rockin/knockin da boots with Mrs. Red Rover was a sure thing. But there was no way to tell and so I didn't surrender the bow tie. I wonder if at any point in history a true crazy homeless man got laid after yelling at a random woman passing by. I'd like to think so.

After sharing my story with Tess we talked about the fact that guys cannot control themselves when a curvaceous woman (or any semi-attractive woman) is present. Shit, she can be three and a half blocks down on the left and I'll notice what she's working with. "Knockers dude." I've had to leave cafes before because of too many dime pieces. It's not something I'm proud of but seriously, what's the point of trying to get work done when you can't even focus on your laptop screen or the book you're reading? At the same time I always hope the gazing is harmless. There's no need to act on any of those impulses unless the setting is appropriate. And no, a woman crossing the street in front of your car is not an appropriate time to honk and propose.

Since it's Japan week, I thought that this awesome game show would only be appropriate to show my support and gratitude to the wonderful Japanese people. I'm not being sarcastic. This truly is a genius idea for a game show. If you want to know which guy I identified with the most skip to 8:58. That's what I plan on looking like when I'm older. I would have easily blown that guy out of the water. (That expression sounds pretty gay doesn't it? And for some reason I'm reminded of Killer Whales exploding out of the water at Sea World.)

The Male Gaze is a big part of all of our lives. And it would also be a totally badass name for a gay bar.