This is fucking CRAZY! Photo: NYTimes.
We lost a lot of Math students. No but seriously, it is pretty devastating. You won't see me ordering people to "Pray For Japan" through Facebook anytime soon. Praying and Facebook, two of my least favorite things.
Although these things are serious and are a lot to take in, I actually have my own problems to deal with. Today I ran out of clean underwear and socks. Actually, let me start over. 4 days ago I ran out of clean underwear and socks so I decided today would be a perfect day to catch up on my laundry. Wearing underwear with crust stains takes some getting used to but is never fun, trust me. I always go to the same place to do my laundry. It's big, clean, reliable, relatively cheap, and owned by ChingChongs. I usually load my clothes in the washer and come back to my apartment so I can get things done while my clothes are being de-funk-dafied. I then go back after 40 minutes and throw the washed clothes in the dryer and come back home. Alright, I'm sure all of you don't need me to explain to you how to do laundry. I just want to make sure you understand that I leave my laundry unattended to for quite some time.
When I took my clothes out of the dryer and set them in a cart to be moved to a folding table to be folded down and packed away (a couple of years of retail experience has made me a Black Belt in Folding, bitchez) I noticed a foreign object left in my clothes cart.
Normally this wouldn't be a big deal. I would have just taken this tiny sock and thrown it away. But for some reason today a little old Mexican-looking lady was hawkeyeing me. I couldn't tell if she noticed the sock but I began to worry that she thought some sort of foul play was going on. I mean I'm sure she already questioned my sexuality when she came across my unbelievably eclectic collection of multi-colored socks, so I began to believe she thought I was perfectly capable of forgetting to stuff the little sock in the trash bag that I just stuffed little "Juanito" in after I was done doing my weird "Uncle Marty" things to him. I couldn't just assume that she was like everyone else and always throws away those "Missing Children" leaflets before looking at them. I had to assume the worst. So not knowing what to do, I folded the sock in half and placed it right on top of my other socks. I didn't want to throw it away in front of her because I wasn't convinced she would believe that it was just a stray sock. I'm almost sure she would have taken a picture of me and the little sock with her iPhone (4) and sent it to every major newspaper. When I grabbed my last article of clothing from the cart, she pushed it to her dryer and unloaded clothes. She didn't look at me again. I can only imagine she was playing her hypothetical scenario in her head over and over, scared that I might graduate my pervert freakness to little old stumpy brown ladies (with iPhone 4's).
I'm still wondering how that sock got in there. I make it a point to check the washer and dryer before loading my clothes and I definitely didn't see the tiny sock in either one before I used them. Was someone out to frame me as a pedophile? I mean if someone printed a picture of me with the caption "Pervert" under it, you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who would second-guess it. And now what? What happens when I invite a girl back to my pad and she accidentally comes across this little ass sock? Oh wait. Why the hell am I worried about that? Girls? Here? HA! Should I throw it out now? I'll make sure it's in a bag that has old foodstuffs instead of ripped up mail so it won't be traceable back to Marty C. I'll probably just slip it into Josh's room so he can sit around and wonder if he kidnapped any kids when he was blacked out drunk.
Actually now that I think about it, the little old Mexican lady (iPhone 4) probably stared at me because she wanted the cart I was hogging. Alright forget everything I just said.
No comments:
Post a Comment