Even getting used to something as simple as New York's version of "What's up?" is confusing. I'm constantly asked "What's good?" and find myself wondering how to respond. I mean take one good look at me and you should be able to guess what exactly it is I think is good. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing is good." So I end up saying, "Uh. Yep." That usually turns heads and confuses but in the end it satisfies the audience. And I seriously don't really know how you're supposed to respond.
What's happening? No, I'm not asking the 1990's version of "What's Up?" I really want to know what is happening. What is happening to our slang? I mean most rappers come up with stuff that we can enjoy for a few years and then naturally die. These things are FUN! But I'm starting to worry that since I'm losing track of all of the new ways of saying "Hey, I'm totally fucking cool," I'll be left behind. Wait, you didn't think saying "Bling Bling!" was fun? Really? Well you must have at least liked the further evolved "Bling Blao!"
"What's up" and its many variations need special attention because they are the most commonly used. I mean it's really just saying "Hello" or "Hi." So I looked up "What's Up?" in the scholarly approved Urban Dictionary and it gave me a good start as to what people say in place of "Hello." Take a look.
Look closely. I highlighted a word that really has no place in this selection of expressions and nouns. I guess it depends on who you ask.
I can't even begin to explore all the ways people say "Hello" but I can list a few of the more popular ones.
"What's up?"
"What up?"
"Sup?"
"What's good?"
"What it is?"
"What it do?"
"Wasabi." (Kill yourself.)
"Heyo." (That exists right?)
"What's going on?"
"What's poppin'?"
You get the point.
They're all relatively the same. But yesterday I heard one that I've never heard before. A few dudes with really dark year-round tans came into the break room at work and started talking. Instead of saying anything I was used to, one of them asked, "What it look like?" So of course I was trying to figure out what the "it" was because we know people with year-round tans more often than not are talking about big booties or well...big booties. And I also like to talk about big booties. So instead of getting a really accurate description of what "it" looks like, the response was, "Oh you know. Another day, another dollar." So I listened to their conversation wondering when we were going to get into the big booty talk (BBT) but it never happened. They just had a normal conversation. So from the way the conversation progressed I deduced that "What it look like?" was this gentleman's way of saying "What's up?" or, since we're in New York, "What's good?"
I'll admit I'm confused. "What it look like?" Well what exactly are we talking about? What does my future look like? I don't want to talk about that. I don't even want to think about that. It's depressing. Or did I miss something? How does "What it look like?" compare to "Hello?" You couldn't explain it to me. But in a way I kind of love it because I think the more confusing it gets, the more lost White people will be. I mean seriously, if I'm this confused by it, I can only imagine how flustered and upset an average white person would be. (C'mon give me credit. I do listen to rap music. Don't believe me?) And isn't the goal to confuse the shit out of white people so we can catch them slipping? So that's why if we're going to push this lingo-game to its limits I'm going to start my own "Hello."
"What it taste like?" and maybe in 2012 it will evolve into "What flavor it is?" I'm excited thinking about all of the mixed emotions and confusion it will cause. I mean asking someone "What it taste like?" is kind of a pickup line right? I mean I'm sure it would work on some lonely sorority girl in a college town somewhere. Maybe eventually an acceptable response would be "Orange Koolaid" which of course would mean, "Everything is swell indeed, sir." I'm taking this lingo-game to a whole new level. While all yall bitchez are sitting around talking about your "Swag" and getting taught how to "Dougie" I'm going to be finding out exactly What It Taste Like. Word? Word to your motherland.
(O.D. means "Overdone" or "Overdose." Example: "That bitch O.D. skinny. And she O.D. skanky. And O.D. stanky. She a O.D. skinny, stanky, skanky bitch." On the real. For real.)
("Pause" is said after a faggy remark. It might be subtle but it can be more in your face like, "I love the feeling of testicles slapping against my chin." This is when you would say "Pause.")
Sorry for using the word "Faggy." But seriously, "No Homo."
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